


Unable to let go.

by mordredllewelynjones



Category: Batman - All Media Types, DC - Fandom, Gotham (TV)
Genre: Alternate Ending, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Drug Induced Hallucinations, Drug Use, Grief/Mourning, M/M, Mild Blood, Short Chapters, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, mild injury detail
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-15
Updated: 2018-02-15
Packaged: 2019-03-19 01:46:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,117
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13694313
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mordredllewelynjones/pseuds/mordredllewelynjones
Summary: Edward Nygma has always struggled with balancing his multiple personalities. After taking revenge for his girlfriends death and murdering his best friend Oswald Cobblepot, Edward tries to step away from his "weaker side" and become The Riddler. However, having the blood of someone you care about on your hands is never an easy thing to live with.A Nygmobblepot fanfic set during Gotham season 3 were Oswald returns to Gotham sooner and Edward realises just how much losing Oswald really hurt him. Alternative ending  to "How The Riddler got his name."WARNING! Contains suicidal thoughts, a suicide attempt, drug use, drug induced hallucinations and mild injury detail/blood mention(gun shot.)No sex or rude stuff in this story.My first work for this ship. (Also on Wattpad.)





	1. Kill one to create another

Bang!

Edward watched as Oswald doubled over, clutching the gunshot wound to his abdomen as it oozed a thick trickle of blood. His breath caught in this throat as his friend looked up at him with eyes that spoke of unspeakable pain and anguish. The angry fires of revenge burned in Edward's veins yet deep down a part of him was screaming. His hand reach out unbidden and grasped hold of Penguin's shirt as though determined not to lose him. As Oswald Cobblepot stared tearfully up at the face of the man he had loved it appeared as little more than a harsh, cold mask of hatred. Only something glistening in the depths of Ed's eyes spoke of the mixed emotions fighting a war inside him, a war that suddenly ended.

Face resolute Edward Nygma pushed his only friend away from him, sending him off the edge of Gotham docks where he slowly sank into the dark waters of the river. Taking a deep, shuddering breath  a momentary flash of grief washed over Edward but was pushed aside almost instantly. Such emotions were weak. As he turned from the sight of his birth by blood The Riddler seemed emotionless and unaffected by his violent deed as he walked a way from the docks towards his new life.


	2. An imperfect reflection.

The dark, and supposedly abandoned, warehouse had a sinister atmosphere. Turning up his coat collar and pulling his hat down low over his face Edward Nygma made his way through the cavernous building over to the make shift office set up in the former guard house. Inside sat one of Gotham cities most notorious drug dealers and two members of his hired muscle.

"You've got what I asked for?"

The man looked Edward up and down then raised an eyebrow. He'd had clients ranging from politicians to beggars yet the mayor's chief of staff wasn't someone he would have put money on when it came to potential customers, especially for strong stuff such as this. "Depends. You got the money?" he grunted. The soft flop of  a pile of money being thrown onto the table punctuated the silence.

 As the dealer counted the money Edward glanced fervently around the room, trying not to seem too twitchy. It was right in the corner of his eye. If he tried to look at it or if he blinked it vanished. He'd tried to ignore it but like all past attempts it made no difference. Now, desperate and broken, he was going to try something different. Instead of hiding from his visions like always he was going to run to them but he couldn't manage it on his own.

Noticing Ed's pale face and darting eyes the dealer said "Look, this isn't my business and normally I don't ask. The customer is always right and all that bull. These things you've asked for though, they are no walk in the park. Take these along with something else and you'll be six feet under before you can say shit. Now if that's what you want then by all means be my guest. You've already paid so it makes no difference to me. Just thought I'd mention it." Edward opened his mouth with the intention of thanking the man, purely for courtesies sake. "Clear as crystal, cold as ice, swift like the wind, never seen but never forgotten. What am I?" he blurted out. There was a confused silence as all eyes stared at him. Edward immediately cursed himself. Stupid, stupid. What good were riddles at a time like this? Grabbing his purchase he headed for the door. As he fled the warehouse Edward caught another quick glimpse of the answer to his riddle and the reason he was so desperate to bring his visions into greater focus. The thing he yearned to see. A ghost.

 

 

 

  
He really wasn't in a fit state to drive but never the less Edward Nygma sped back to the mayor's mansion at break neck speed, not even bothering to properly park his car before he burst through the front door and immediately locked himself in the upstairs bathroom. He collapsed, panting, against the edge of the sink. Lifting his head slowly he stared at his own reflection in the cracked mirror, one of the only ones still left in the house. Since the day at the docks mirrors had been the source of even more torment than usual, even this one hadn't survived unscathed. Knuckles still sporting his cuts from his previous assault on the glass Edward took deep, slow breaths in an attempt to calm himself as his distorted reflection blinked back at him. Taking out one of the pearl coloured pills and placing it on his tongue he waited for the ,what he assumed was inevitable, argument . Since the moment he had pulled the trigger every moment had been a constant struggle, a battle between Ed's two selves with The Riddler forever emerging the victor. Now however, it seemed as though both sides of him were in agreement. Making up his mind he scooped up a handful of water from the tap and swallowed the little pill whole. The effect was almost instant. Yet he didn't even notice the buzzing sensation in the back of his brain or the way his heart was racing.

  
"Oswald?!"

  
Pale, soaking wet and covered in mud and seaweed Oswald Cobblepot stood in front of him, arms folded. "Well Ed, I certainly didn't expect to see you again. What with being dead and all" Os drawled. There was a moments silence. Then suddenly Edward burst into tears. "O...Oswald" he half stuttered, half wailed as tears streamed down his face. He stood stock still for a moment before practically launching himself at his best friend, only to be disappointed. "The thing with visions is that they are just in your head. You can't touch them because they are not really there. I thought you'd know that by now" Oswald said dryly, now standing behind him. Hugging himself tightly, as he was unable to hold Oswald like he desperately wanted to, Ed sank to the floor and drew his knees up under his chin. Overcome by grief he dissolved into a shaking, sobbing mess. Oswald simply stood over him and watched wordlessly.

  
For a couple of hours that's how things remained, Edward spilling his heart out as his dead friend maintained a silent vigil but eventually the crying man could take it no longer. "SAY SOMETHNG!" Ed screamed. Penguin put his hands on his hips and raised an eyebrow. "What is it you want me to say Ed? That I'm sorry? That I forgive you for killing me even though I made it clear that I loved you? After I told you that I was willing to change for you? Is that what you want?! Well I think you can understand why I might find that a bit difficult" he replied coldly. Through the haze of pain and guilt Edward felt a sudden stab of defiance take hold of him. "You killed my girlfriend! How else did you expect me to react?!" he bellowed angrily "You think that the fact that you loved me excuses your actions?"

"You think your feelings for her excuse yours?" Oswald retorted furiously "You're a hypocrite!" Ed jumped to his feet and glared at the smaller man, eyes filled with rage. Then, disappointed and disgusted, he turned away. "I don't know why I thought this would be a good idea" he muttered to himself.

"Because you need me."

  
Penguin came to stand at his side and his voice seemed slightly kinder than before. "Our individual feelings for one another put aside, we need each other" he continued. Deep down Edward knew he was right but he refused to accept it. To be dependant on anyone, especially Oswald, was something The Riddler found abhorrent. He needed to carve his own path. "I don't need you!" he roared "The fact that I killed you proves that! I can manage without you and I will." There was a ringing silence. "If that's true then why did you bring me here?" Oswald asked quietly with a knowing look in his eye. Penguin was, after all, just a manifestation of Ed's own thoughts and feelings. He couldn't lie to him. "Just leave me alone" Edward snapped before storming out of the bathroom and slamming the door behind him.


	3. Two is company but it is also a crowd.

 

He knew he had to stop but he couldn't. No matter how hard he tried he couldn't stop himself from placing yet another white pill on his tongue. He told himself that it would get easier, that he just needed closure and a chance to say goodbye. That was a lie. As much as he would hate to admit it, he just couldn't bare to let Oswald go. For all his talk of being able to cope by himself Ed couldn't stand being alone. It was after that realisation that the murders started. It seemed like a simple enough solution. He needed some one to fill the void, someone as brilliant as Oswald had been who could help him find his way. Intelligent, driven and creative the first victim had seemed a good choice but for some reason it just hadn't worked out. At first he thought it was just a fluke, simply bad luck but after a few more of Gotham's intellectual elite had failed his tests Edward started to become frustrated. What was it about Penguin that was so special? Why did he seem to be the only one capable of making Edward feel whole?

_"But nothing will warm me more, than my, my mothers love. I l-light another candle, d...dry the tears .... f-from my fa-face."_

His fingers still playing upon the keys Edward's voice shattered and broke down into fragmented sobs. Picking up where the broken man had left off Oswald continued the song in a sad and quiet voice.

_"Nothing can protect me more than my mothers warm embrace. The path ahead is dark, so dark I cannot see. But I will not fear 'cause my mother looks over me."_

The was a moment of melancholy quiet as Penguin sat himself down on the piano stool next to Ed. "You're tearing yourself apart" Oswald muttered sadly, his river soaked clothes dripping water onto the floor. "If I am then it's necessary to help me become who I truly am" Ed replied with a feigned certainty that would fool no one. "It's madness Ed" Os insisted. "Well I don't remember asking for your opinion" Edward snarled, turning to glare at his companion whilst his eyes were still wet with tears. "Umm, yes you did!" Oswald snapped back "You're the one who keeps bringing me back. Deny it all you like but you are lost without me."

"Well I..."

"Four people are dead! Ed, this is getting out of hand. Surely even you have to admit that by now."

"I don't know why you're acting so high and mighty, it's not like you've never killed someone in cold blood" Edward replied matter-of-factly. He got up and walked a few paces before turning back to Penguin with his hands in his pockets, regarding his friend with a calm demeanour. Os sighed as he got to his feet also. "This isn't about the murders, it's about you" he said seriously "When I was alive you were capable of pulling the strings of every criminal in Gotham city without the public being any the wiser, able to play both fields simultaneously. But that's not all!" He raised his voice slightly and held up his hand as Edward showed every sign of interrupting.

"When you and I were together you were more balanced than you have ever been before and you know it. No visions, no conversations with yourself in the mirror. Just Ed Nygma, a man who was finally able to be relatively at peace with himself. All this murdering lunacy aside there is still no denying that The Riddler just isn't enough for you!"

"Well thanks to you The Riddler is all I've got!" Edward bellowed, his whole body shaking with suppressed emotion. The two men stared at each other, Ed's face the picture of pure rage where as Oswald looked as though he had been driven to the end of his tether with frustration. Taking a deep breath Ed closed his eyes and pressed his fingers to his temples. "I just need to find someone who can teach me how to be myself, that's all" he muttered with forced calm "then I can move on." Reaching his decision he turned and walked away from his former friend and mentor, picking up his coat on his way to the door. "How do you expect to do that? Let me guess, with more killing?" Oswald called after him mockingly. "Well you don't seem to have a better idea" Edward yelled back as he left the room. "It's not as if admitting that I need you will change what happened" he added in a sad whisper.

 

Two more died at The Riddler's hand before it became obvious that a change of tactic was necessary. The "infamous chess killings" as Oswald and the press poetically called them, though far from the most impressive scheme in Gotham's history, did open up the field to an interesting new development. Lucius Fox or as Ed liked to call him, Foxy. He felt truly hopeful about this one. All the other candidates, though seemingly brilliant, had never inspired confidence from the off set. In reality he had always suspected that they would fail. This time however, things felt different. Whatever happened Edward was sure that one way or another things were about to change.


	4. Wilting in the cold.

 

"You're awake! Thank goodness, you've been out for ages. I was getting super bored."

Opening his eyes slowly and with difficulty Oswald saw the face of a redheaded girl in her 20s swim into view. He groaned. His head was banging, he had a throbbing pain in his stomach and he felt as though he was about to throw up. "Who on earth are you?" he croaked, attempting to sit up. "Ivy Pepper" the girl replied, rolling her eyes as though the answer was obvious.  "Do I know you?" Oswald asked, his confusion at her answer evident. "I pulled you out of the river. You'd been shot. I saved your life" she said matter-of-factly.

He let that information sink in. As his brain started to clear, memories came flooding back to him. The gun pointed towards him, the searing pain and the heartless expression on Ed's face as he watched him get swallowed by the river. "Seriously, you look like you are going to puke. You're not going to puke are you?" Ivy asked but Oswald didn't even hear her. He could still feel the suffocating sensation of the water engulfing him as he forced himself to relive those terrible events. The worst part though was knowing that Ed had betrayed him. Oswald vowed in that moment to never bother with friendship again, to never give in to feelings of love or affection. "I just remembered" he said suddenly with a laugh "there's someone I need to kill." Ivy looked at the sinister smile on his face and the psychotic glint in his eyes then raised an eyebrow. "Ok, well good luck with that and whatever. Woah! Wait!" she cried as Penguin attempted to heave himself out of bed. "Look, I know you've got some guy that you want to do in and all that but you're not ready to go running off yet. You nearly died, you are going to have to take things slowly for a bit. I'm sure whoever you want to kill will still be hanging around when you get back to town. You might as well wait until you are fully recovered before you set off. Now I'll go and get you something to eat and drink" the girl insisted and before Oswald could protest she had practically skipped out of the room.

He stared after her in bewilderment. She was definitely an odd one, he'd give her that. Delusional too if she thought he was just going to sit around with a broken heart whilst enemies and traitors destroyed everything he'd built. Ill or not he wasn't going to let anything get in the way of his revenge on Edward Nygma. Making his way through what seemed to be a house turned greenhouse Os attempted to find his way outside so as to start his journey back to Gotham but before he could accomplish his goal he bumped into Ivy. "Here you are" she said cheerily and before Oswald could react she had wrapped a tartan blanket tightly around him and pressed a warm mug into his hand. "It's willow" she added, as though it would mean something to him.

Frustration at the delay and the pointless fussing was wearing his patience thin but that wasn't the only thing that was making his blood boil. It had been a long time since he'd been in such a vulnerable position, in fact he hadn't been in need of help like this since just after his mothers death.  Unbidden memories of Ed cuddling up with him in bed and singing him to sleep invaded his mind and his eyes stung with tears. Well there was no way he was going to make the same mistake twice. If you let someone close to you then there is a chance that they might become a friend and friends were ideally placed to stab you in the back. He was better off alone.

Throwing the mug to floor angrily and shrugging off the blanket he rounded on Ivy. "Listen to me" he snarled "I have been betrayed by my only friend. They have messed with my mind, desecrated my fathers grave and conspired against with my enemies to kill me and steal everything I have! No one does that to me and lives. Now I've got to get back to Gotham and assemble an army to take them down. If you really want t help then stop it with the stupid plant drinks and find me a phone or failing that, stand aside and leave me alone." The was a moments silence as Ivy stared at the small enraged man but before she could articulate a response Penguin had had enough. "Get out of my way" he muttered ferociously as he pushed past her "I don't need help from some freaky plant lady anyway." Ivy placed her hands on her hips and watched him head for the door with indignant disbelief. "Well don't expect me to fish you out of the river next time you get shot" she called after him somewhat haughtily. He simply ignored her.

 

 

The cold hit Oswald like a truck the instant the stepped outside and the snow made his feet cold and damp almost instantly. He shivered violently but with a determination that could easily be interpreted as idiotic stubbornness he set off in the general direction of Gotham, his nose red with cold and his breath visible in puffs of heated mist. As he continued along the roadside the weather soon began to take it's toll and the fact that he was in far from perfect health was evident. Still he soldiered  on until at last he heard the sound of a car coming up behind him. "What are you doing here?!" he gasped, teeth chattering, as the car screeched to a halt beside him and Ivy Pepper leaned out of the car window. "You didn't actually think you'd make it back to Gotham on your own in that state did you?" she asked in a cheerfully exasperated tone "I got hold of this car from some guy up the road. Are you going to get in or what?"

Thoroughly confused but too cold to argue Oswald scrambled into the passenger seat and soon they were hurtling down the road at break neck speed. "So you just nicked some guys car so you could come and get me?" Os asked. "I didn't steal it, he gave it to me. You see, I've got this special perfume that makes anyone do whatever you want. It's pretty neat" Ivy replied enthusiastically, a hint of pride in her voice. Penguin looked at her doubtfully but elected not to pursue that particular subject.  To be honest he wasn't sure he was in the mood for magic perfume and all that sort of thing. There was one thing that kept nagging at him though and it wasn't long before he gave it voice. "Why are you helping me? What do you want from me because if you are looking for money, power or anything like that then you are wasting your time" he said harshly, glaring at the girl. She sighed. "I just want you to be nice to me" Ivy admitted "to be honest you've been being a bit of a jerk." "You want me to be nice to you?" he repeated incredulously "That's it?" Ivy nodded.

Oswald considered this bizarre request. He wasn't used to being given so much for so little, everything in Gotham came at a price and the price was always high. As he looked over at the quirky girl with her plants and crazy mind control perfume he realised that he could probably do with an ally but he knew instantly that this wasn't the sort of person he could use as a mere follower or lackey. She had made it clear that she expected a friend not a boss. For a minute he hesitated, his vow against friendship still fresh in his mind. "Sure, I'll be nice" he replied finally, an answer Ivy greeted with a smile.


	5. Reunited in pain.

 

The Riddler stood at a familiar spot at Gotham docks, the wind whipping his face and the sound of gulls cawing over head. In a way his plan had worked. He was able to embrace The Riddler side of himself in a way he had never been able to before. Although by no means the mentor and friend Penguin had been Lucius Fox had played his part well. Yet as he stood alone at the edge of the water The Riddler found it impossible to feel truly happy. For the last time he swallowed down one of the small white pills and felt the familiar buzz in the back of his brain. "I've always loved the view from here" he said almost conversationally. "Not really a fan. You understand why" Oswald replied with his usual level of sass. Edward bit his lip and frowned. The time had come, the time for him to say goodbye. He swallowed nervously before continuing. "I want you to know that our friendship meant something to me. That I care about you and I miss you" Ed said sadly, his voice cracking with emotion as he turning to face Oswald. "Gee,  almost makes up for being dead" Penguin replied sarcastically. "You do know that the entire GCPD is hunting you?" he added and despite the many less than pleasant feelings Ed was experiencing right now he couldn't help but smile. "Yes" he replied quietly. "Well" Os snapped spitefully "I hate to burst your bubble but wanted or not, no one is going to be afraid of The Riddler." "Maybe not yet, but they will be" Edward replied, putting on a show of confidence that he didn't necessarily feel. Taking his silver pill box out of his pocket he knelt down by the waters edge and tipped the contents into the murky depths. "Good bye Oswald" he murmured as he straightened up and took a deep shuddering breath. He should feel elated. He had achieved what he had set out to do, he had learned how to become The Riddler and set the stage for his future of terrifying Gotham. Yet as he blinked back tears he felt as though the whole world had come crashing down around his ears.

 

"Are we nearly at your safe house yet? I'm starving."

Penguin rolled his eyes. "We'll be there soon although quite frankly getting snacks isn't exactly high on my list of priorities right now" he retorted. "You might want  to rethink your priorities then" Ivy muttered sulkily. They were driving along by the docks, on their way to one of the safe houses Oswald kept on the outskirts of town, and despite getting off to a shaky start the two of them were getting along relatively well.

As they drove past the rusty shipping containers and derelict warehouses that dominated the area Penguin couldn't help but relive, for what felt like the hundredth time, that heart breaking moment when Ed had shot him. All this because of some stupid librarian with a psychopath fetish. To say that he regretted having Isabella killed would be a lie. He was furious about the amount of destruction it had resulted in and although he couldn't understand Edward's feelings on the subject, the girl would have probably ended up dead by Ed's hand anyway which would have been a lot worse, he was devastated that he had managed to hurt the man he loved so much. Did he feel guilty about Isabella's death? No. It's consequences however, would forever plague him whether he admitted it or not.

Gazing absently out of the window as he pursued this less than happy train of thought Oswald suddenly caught a glimpse of vivid green amongst the greys and browns of their surroundings. Surely it was just his mind playing tricks on him? Still, he had to know. "Stop the car!" he cried and Ivy obediently slammed down the breaks. "Wait here" he told her as he jumped out of the car. It was the exact same spot where it had happened. Moving as quickly but as quietly as possible he approached the man stood at the edge of the river. He had been right, it was Edward. Consumed by anger he cursed himself for not having a weapon to hand, now was his chance to dispose of that traitor once and for all. Before he could commit to a cause of action however, he noticed something unsettling in Ed's actions that made his blood run cold. His former chief of staff was talking to thin air. Oswald knew that Edward had had problems in the past with visions yet in the time they had known each other he had actually never seen Ed in such a state. Things in Gotham were truly much more drastic than he had imagined. Edward was so engrossed in his one sided conversation that he had failed to notice the man approaching just a short way behind him.

 Penguin watched as the taller man bent down and emptied what looked like a small amount of drugs into the water. "Good bye Oswald" Ed whispered sorrowfully. Unsure what to do, but knowing he had to do something, Os took a step towards his friend but before he could make his presence known Edward broke down into gut wrenching sobs, the emotionless façade finally shattering entirely.

"Oh god Oswald, I'm so sorry!" Ed choked as tears streamed down his face. His breathing came in short, sharp gasps as bent double like a man in pain, grief and guilt washing over him like tidal waves. Oswald wanted to run over to him and hold him but he found himself somehow rooted to the spot, transfixed. "Killing you was a mistake" Ed continued with obvious effort, his whole body shaking "I never understood... I never realised how much I needed you and now it's too late!" his voice rose to a scream which chilled his unseen observer to the core.

"This whole Riddler scheme was pointless. Pointless because I'm already dead! You were the only real friend I ever had and killing you killed me too. When I pulled the trigger... I simply destroyed both of us."

There was an eerily pregnant silence before he added in a heartbroken whisper "I guess all that's left is for me to join you." Oswald's eyes widened with horror as Edward produced a gun from his pocket and placed the barrel under his chin. "NO!" Oswald screamed as he jumped forwards, grabbing the gun.

BANG!

The shot echoed loudly in their ears as they both stared, horrified, at the smoking firearm who's bullet had missed Edward Nygma by mere centimetres. Then, before any more damage could be done, Penguin yanked the gun from Ed's grasp and chucked it into the river. Hyperventilating and white as a sheet Edward turned slowly to gape at the man stood beside him. "Oswald?!" he whimpered desperately, not daring to believe it. As Oswald looked up into those tortured eyes and heard the painful uncertainty in Nygma's voice what ever lingering feelings of resentment he had once harboured towards the man vanished instantly.

"Oh Ed!" he cried, tears dripping off the end of his nose, and without thinking he yanked Ed down by the collar and kissed him forcefully.  It was in that instant, when Oswald practically smashed their lips together, that Edward was finally able to accept the truth of what was happening and with that acceptance came a huge sense of relief. Oswald was alive! Acting instinctively he wrapped his arms around Os tightly before allowing himself to become lost in the kiss. Finally they broke apart and, breathing heavily, stared into each others  eyes  in a desperate search for reassurance and despite everything they both found it. The wrongs they had done to one another, though by no means forgotten, were forgiven. That was all in the past. All that mattered now was that they were together.

Penguin swallowed nervously before forcing himself to repeat the words he had said here once before in what almost seemed like another life time. The last thing he wanted to do was put his heart in the firing line again but he had to know. "I love you Ed" Oswald said in a hoarse voice, his eyes pleading silently. Edward froze for a moment. Everything was a blur. The brush with death, Oswald's resurrection, the kiss. He had no idea how to react to all this. Yet deep down inside him every fibre of his being was screaming the same thing and as he gazed down at his best friend he finally admitted to himself the thing he had been hiding from for so long. "I love you too Oswald" he replied passionately before closing the gap between them once more, capturing Oswald's lips in a loving and tender kiss.

                                                                               The end.


End file.
